The Way She Feels

I ruv Stephanie Ann bunches!

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 12:57:26 GMT

This was just an amazing li'l entry, so ima steal it!

'These questions have no right or wrong answers.

Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer.

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
Which is worse, failing or never trying?
If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
Why are you, you?
Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
What are you most grateful for?
Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
Has your greatest fear ever come true?
Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
If not now, then when?
If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?'

tis fun to think about:)

Writer's Block: Name that tune

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 09:36:38 GMT

Is there any song you'll never grow tired of hearing? If so, what is it, how long have you loved it, and why?

Submitted By connxx

View 1394 Answers

easy.

fireflies by owl city.

actually, im gonna go look up the sheet music so i can play it on the piano.

adios.

oops.

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 08:50:10 GMT

I cut.

I want to be able to tell melman, but she'll tell the folks. and that's not a good thing.

I want to be able to post this as a public entry. but melman will read it, so private it shall go.

Im kind of disappointed in myself for going back to this. damn it.

ahhh, I want to cut so much more, but I know I shouldn't

um. wow. I suck.

My tongue hurts, a lot. I think it's infected.

Now, this is going to seem like i've taken a few step backwards, speaking about my progress in therapy, but...

I seriously contemplated killing myself last night.

The main reason I chose life was because then I wouldn't be able to get anyone any christmas presents.

So, before I take the plunge, if I do, I must finish shopping, wrap everything, and address them.

gah. I feel pathetic and dumb, and I hate it.

I want to talk to someone. but there is no one. My number one is off at school partying, too busy for old friends, oh how I miss Stephanie. If I talk to Sarah, she'll just worry. Can't talk to mama, she's just too paranoid about everything. Maybe Hiatt or Faids? But they're teachers, they'll just worry too much. I am seeing Debra tomorrow... possibly I could confide in her? ahh, I just don't know.

I want to talk to alfonso, but that's over. I am so pissed off I screwed everything up.

I neeeeeeed to talk. soon.

My wrist is sore, but why? Oh! Could it be from repeatedly taking a razor blade to it? Gee, I think so.

lkkjlskjdf. I'm gonna go clean, and clear my head, anything but cut.

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:10:47 GMT

how 'bout a review of life!?

well, I've sat here for precicely 11 minutes trying to think of a response to the statement above. But all I can think about is what happened today So, that's all you get:)

-WE NOW INTERRUPT THIS POST TO REPORT BREAKING NEWS!!!-

Ozzy just farted, and it stinks.

...and now back to the highlights of anna's day...

alfonso came over.

told that I was raped.

*I think that it should be noted that that statement was typed very hesitantly to begin and finished with a sense of release and freedom.

and now I'd like it do be noted that that statement makes me happy, really happy.

now that statement makes me feel... feel... feel good? yeah, that's it, I feel good.

I didn't just give him the 'had to watch porn' version, I told him everything.

I don't think I have never been comforted than when he, alfonso, was holding me.

I went home and I told Jacob.

and...

I didn't have as bad of a freak-out. There was less fidgeting, less time it took to get it out, and fewer times it took saying "he... he... he uhh..." over and over.

I really had to know if Dave had ever done anything to him. I could tell that he was uncomfortable but
listened and really gave me an honest answerand talked to me. And when we talked about Dave Jacob didn't think that I would want to hear or say his name so he said, "Da... well let's just call him uhh.. DICK"
and I, immediatly thinking of the word DICK as a noun and not its connotation ASSHOLE, said "let's not."

He understood why I didn't want to, and we both laughed. hard. and he apologized with the most sincerety I think I've ever seen him have, well, with me anyway. Then we had dinner and he was back to his ol' loud and annoying self again. But it waas really nice being able to talk to him.

:)

anna verrrrrrrrrrry tired now.

anna go night night now.
good night:)

PS. I just said "I was raped," outloud.

PS. PS. I just added, "but he's dead so I'm okay."

PS. PS. PS. Im smiling:)

PS. PS. PS. PS. I had an 'IM EXCITED' seizure:)

PS. PS. PS. PS. PSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I almost closed out of the internet without posting this entry. Just Ithought I should mention that because it's kind of funny- not funny in the 'ha ha' sense, more so in the 'peculiar and it totally would have sucked' sense:)

goodnight. this time, i mean it.

ahhhh but I also, just, thought I should mention that it would be funny if the computer crashed because I'd lose all this typing.
-again, in the 'it would totally suck.' sense not the ha

HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT!

I just accidently clicked on an ad and it brought me to a whole new page, ONE THAT MADE MY ENTRY GO AWAY!!!!! Guess what!?!! Livejournal automatically saves the entry you're typing every, like, 10 seconds :) :) :) :)

I'm gonna go force myself to go to sleep before the sun comes up and I'm still typing the sign off to the entry.

goodnight. and this time I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

end of day 9 cellexa report.

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 12:23:33 GMT

still up all night.

sleep is for pussies.

you can't get things accomplished when you're asleep.

off to organize.

friend. or, enemy?

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 23:25:25 GMT

me: hi! i'm anna, have we met before?

stranger: why yes, we have. My name is cellexa. I'm here to help you.

me: i don't need help. go away.

cellexa: well, can you just give me a chance? let's talk about it.

me: I have an idea! let's have a cleaning party!

cellexa: Oh, i know i'm supposed to say no, but i just can't resist. I'M IN!

7 hours lalter...

Me: y' know what, we did pretty good. the living room is re-aranged. we've folded and organized all the clothes, seperating them by color and size. The bathroom's neat a tidy. and you've scrubbed the tub. but WAIT! now what do we do? let's stay up and organize the calendar!

cellexa: of course! i'm gonna let you in on a secret anna, I don't actually work. medication is not the answer. you're just screwed. ready, set, organize!

decisions, decisions, decisions.

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 10:07:06 GMT

dad's not going to new jersey and in his place I wanted alfonso to go.

but mom wants ray to go.

and I do too, but I also want alfonso to go.

I just don't know.

Alfonso likes the show, ray doesn't. but ray is my brother. I really do want to spend time with ray and i don't want him to feel left out.

don't know who to pick, although it's not a for sure thing that someone can take my dad's place, i still have to check with the make a wish people.

uh. i think i lost my flute:(

the last thing i remember about it is taking in the hope link cab to the hospital, so maybe i left it in the cab or maybe i left it at the hospital. or it made it home with me and i just don't remember where i put it

don't know.

staying up tonight.

ah.

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 00:11:10 GMT

giving in to eating.

what a fun day,

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 11:56:08 GMT

I actually enjoyed a visit with my mom.

we went grocery shopping together and it was like old times.

i loved it.

of course I don't remember exactly when the last time I slept was so I don't know how much of my brain was working.
and. I don't plan on going to sleep tonight either, i like staying up. I feel like i get more accomplished that way. And the fair is tomorror! I am so excited to spende the day with spencer, jenny, stephanie, alfonso, wayne, and philip, it's going to be a wonderful group to be with:):)

SOOOO EXCITED! I'm a puyallup fair virgin too:) not for long though:)

-oh and i wanted to put as a side note i used to hear voices in my head.

off to clean and organize:)

cleaning and organizing,

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 01:35:32 GMT

my clothes.

yay.

cannot.

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 00:31:46 GMT

breathe.

mother, why do you do this.

you anger me beyond belief.

you are so fucking ungrateful for everything that I give you.

I get 365 a month.

when they thought i graduated that money then when to you.

it's not yours.

it pays half my rent.

you can't just keep it, you get that much too for jacob.

it's child support, you are not the one supporting me. I'm supporting me, I get the money.

and you're going to keep taking my money because you can.

I asked to have my childhood photos so I could scrap book them. I did mean go through the tubs of photos and pick out the ones i'm "allowed" to have.

uhh, i swear, I'm not going to fucking, like, set them on fire.

I need someone to talk to.
I wish alfonso wasn't busy.

I like him.

dear stanger, I think i might have a little anxiety problem.

CAN'T

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 17:25:05 GMT

STOP

CLEANING.

O-C- WHA?!?!?

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 12:26:01 GMT

D.

okay, now i'm done with the kitchen.

gee wilikers.

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 11:26:00 GMT

I have literally been cleaning my kitchen for FOUR HOURS.

my kitchen isn't that big.

on to the bathroom.

because I'm bored and have nothing to do.

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 13:55:01 GMT

ya know what, let's talk about the suicide attempt.

now, melman, don't worry. I'm fine, I'm not thinking about doing anything harmful. and I'm not upset.

back to the topic mentioned above.

- I thought that when I posted that I took the pills, I thought that it was about a 50-50 chance that stephanie might see it and stop me.
but i didn't care.

I thought that if I died, then good.
and if I lived, then oh well.

I will talk more about it later but since i have to take ripley to the fair in 5 hours, so I better get to sleep.

and a goodnight to all!

very angered

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 13:22:37 GMT

by the fact that sometimes livejournal highlights my entries in white and sometimes doesn't

I don't know how to fix it

boo.

goodbye mack.

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 23:55:09 GMT

helloooooooo Alfonso:)

I enjoyed last night very much.

It was sooo comforting and relaxing.

and we talked all night.

me gusta me gusta!

I like Alfonso.

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 10:09:39 GMT

"I have a crush on you."

"me too."

"Want to go out?"

"yeah"

And then we cuddledish.

went back and forth telling each other little tid bits about ourselves.

I don't understand why he likes me. I just don't get it.

woot woot alfonso:)

just gotta remember these:

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 11:43:08 GMT

vampire diaries.

tyra.

lily allen.

yeah.

yay!

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 11:27:54 GMT

I saw daddy, and he wasn't too pissed about my tattoo:)

uhh that's all, I'm was just happy about it

Let me make something clear.

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 11:23:52 GMT

i WILL NEVER RIDE IN A VEHICLE WITH DAN EVER AGAIN.

Not if he's a passanger.

and hell no if he's the driver.

I called you not dan for a ride from the hospital.

I asked if you could pick me up, don't complain that your tired and and then make your little bitch do it. Just tell me that you can't. if I wanted dan to give a ride while he's high, then I give him a call.

The moment I heard that dan was taking me, that's when the panic attack started.

I went out side to walk around, trying to breathe, trying to stop crying, trying to calm down.

breathe in. breathe out. deep.

count to ten.

I tried to call everyone.

I called amber.

I called stephanie.

I called Ray.

I called stephanie again.

My phone died:(

I walked back into the hospital to use their phone.

I walked passed the hopelink desk..

I'M SAVED!!!!!!!!!!!!

So.. in review. I don't like dan. I don't like being near dan. I don't like hearing about him.

lawl

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 12:58:08 GMT

really bored.

not going to sleep.

really bored.

went running today... bout two miles. felt good. until it started raining!!!

gotta switch the laundry!

brb

i be back dawg.

STEPHANIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED VITAMIN WATER!!!!!!!!! WAKE UP AND BRING ME SOME!!!!!!!

btw... i first spelled "some" with a U. -sum- LOL. The world is safe though, I fixed it:)

I shall go clean and organize!

hello seattle

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 11:49:47 GMT

i wish i could play it better on thee piano.. it's not going too well.

practice, practice, practice!

my

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 12:35:10 GMT

daddy is my superhero!

Writer's Block: What Makes You Feel Sexy?

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 11:15:40 GMT

What makes you feel sexy?

Sponsored by Body by Victoria® from Victoria's Secret.

View 525 Answers

mack>.<