Is there any song you'll never grow tired of hearing? If so, what is it, how long have you loved it, and why? Submitted By |
easy.
fireflies by owl city.
actually, im gonna go look up the sheet music so i can play it on the piano.
adios.
I want to be able to tell melman, but she'll tell the folks. and that's not a good thing.
I want to be able to post this as a public entry. but melman will read it, so private it shall go.
Im kind of disappointed in myself for going back to this. damn it.
ahhh, I want to cut so much more, but I know I shouldn't
um. wow. I suck.
My tongue hurts, a lot. I think it's infected.
Now, this is going to seem like i've taken a few step backwards, speaking about my progress in therapy, but...
I seriously contemplated killing myself last night.
The main reason I chose life was because then I wouldn't be able to get anyone any christmas presents.
So, before I take the plunge, if I do, I must finish shopping, wrap everything, and address them.
gah. I feel pathetic and dumb, and I hate it.
I want to talk to someone. but there is no one. My number one is off at school partying, too busy for old friends, oh how I miss Stephanie. If I talk to Sarah, she'll just worry. Can't talk to mama, she's just too paranoid about everything. Maybe Hiatt or Faids? But they're teachers, they'll just worry too much. I am seeing Debra tomorrow... possibly I could confide in her? ahh, I just don't know.
I want to talk to alfonso, but that's over. I am so pissed off I screwed everything up.
I neeeeeeed to talk. soon.
My wrist is sore, but why? Oh! Could it be from repeatedly taking a razor blade to it? Gee, I think so.
lkkjlskjdf. I'm gonna go clean, and clear my head, anything but cut.
how 'bout a review of life!?
well, I've sat here for precicely 11 minutes trying to think of a response to the statement above. But all I can think about is what happened today So, that's all you get:)
-WE NOW INTERRUPT THIS POST TO REPORT BREAKING NEWS!!!-
Ozzy just farted, and it stinks.
...and now back to the highlights of anna's day...
alfonso came over.
told that I was raped.
*I think that it should be noted that that statement was typed very hesitantly to begin and finished with a sense of release and freedom.
and now I'd like it do be noted that that statement makes me happy, really happy.
now that statement makes me feel... feel... feel good? yeah, that's it, I feel good.
I didn't just give him the 'had to watch porn' version, I told him everything.
I don't think I have never been comforted than when he, alfonso, was holding me.
I went home and I told Jacob.
and...
I didn't have as bad of a freak-out. There was less fidgeting, less time it took to get it out, and fewer times it took saying "he... he... he uhh..." over and over.
I really had to know if Dave had ever done anything to him. I could tell that he was uncomfortable but
listened and really gave me an honest answerand talked to me. And when we talked about Dave Jacob didn't think that I would want to hear or say his name so he said, "Da... well let's just call him uhh.. DICK"
and I, immediatly thinking of the word DICK as a noun and not its connotation ASSHOLE, said "let's not."
He understood why I didn't want to, and we both laughed. hard. and he apologized with the most sincerety I think I've ever seen him have, well, with me anyway. Then we had dinner and he was back to his ol' loud and annoying self again. But it waas really nice being able to talk to him.
:)
anna verrrrrrrrrrry tired now.
anna go night night now.
good night:)
PS. I just said "I was raped," outloud.
PS. PS. I just added, "but he's dead so I'm okay."
PS. PS. PS. Im smiling:)
PS. PS. PS. PS. I had an 'IM EXCITED' seizure:)
PS. PS. PS. PS. PSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I almost closed out of the internet without posting this entry. Just Ithought I should mention that because it's kind of funny- not funny in the 'ha ha' sense, more so in the 'peculiar and it totally would have sucked' sense:)
goodnight. this time, i mean it.
ahhhh but I also, just, thought I should mention that it would be funny if the computer crashed because I'd lose all this typing.
-again, in the 'it would totally suck.' sense not the ha
HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT!
I just accidently clicked on an ad and it brought me to a whole new page, ONE THAT MADE MY ENTRY GO AWAY!!!!! Guess what!?!! Livejournal automatically saves the entry you're typing every, like, 10 seconds :) :) :) :)
I'm gonna go force myself to go to sleep before the sun comes up and I'm still typing the sign off to the entry.
goodnight. and this time I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sleep is for pussies.
you can't get things accomplished when you're asleep.
off to organize.
me: hi! i'm anna, have we met before?
stranger: why yes, we have. My name is cellexa. I'm here to help you.
me: i don't need help. go away.
cellexa: well, can you just give me a chance? let's talk about it.
me: I have an idea! let's have a cleaning party!
cellexa: Oh, i know i'm supposed to say no, but i just can't resist. I'M IN!
cellexa: of course! i'm gonna let you in on a secret anna, I don't actually work. medication is not the answer. you're just screwed. ready, set, organize!
but mom wants ray to go.
and I do too, but I also want alfonso to go.
I just don't know.
Alfonso likes the show, ray doesn't. but ray is my brother. I really do want to spend time with ray and i don't want him to feel left out.
don't know who to pick, although it's not a for sure thing that someone can take my dad's place, i still have to check with the make a wish people.
uh. i think i lost my flute:(
the last thing i remember about it is taking in the hope link cab to the hospital, so maybe i left it in the cab or maybe i left it at the hospital. or it made it home with me and i just don't remember where i put it
don't know.
staying up tonight.
we went grocery shopping together and it was like old times.
i loved it.
of course I don't remember exactly when the last time I slept was so I don't know how much of my brain was working.
and. I don't plan on going to sleep tonight either, i like staying up. I feel like i get more accomplished that way. And the fair is tomorror! I am so excited to spende the day with spencer, jenny, stephanie, alfonso, wayne, and philip, it's going to be a wonderful group to be with:):)
SOOOO EXCITED! I'm a puyallup fair virgin too:) not for long though:)
-oh and i wanted to put as a side note i used to hear voices in my head.
off to clean and organize:)
yay.
mother, why do you do this.
you anger me beyond belief.
you are so fucking ungrateful for everything that I give you.
I get 365 a month.
when they thought i graduated that money then when to you.
it's not yours.
it pays half my rent.
you can't just keep it, you get that much too for jacob.
it's child support, you are not the one supporting me. I'm supporting me, I get the money.
and you're going to keep taking my money because you can.
I asked to have my childhood photos so I could scrap book them. I did mean go through the tubs of photos and pick out the ones i'm "allowed" to have.
uhh, i swear, I'm not going to fucking, like, set them on fire.
I need someone to talk to.
I wish alfonso wasn't busy.
I like him.
dear stanger, I think i might have a little anxiety problem.
D.
okay, now i'm done with the kitchen.
my kitchen isn't that big.
on to the bathroom.
now, melman, don't worry. I'm fine, I'm not thinking about doing anything harmful. and I'm not upset.
back to the topic mentioned above.
- I thought that when I posted that I took the pills, I thought that it was about a 50-50 chance that stephanie might see it and stop me.
but i didn't care.
I thought that if I died, then good.
and if I lived, then oh well.
I will talk more about it later but since i have to take ripley to the fair in 5 hours, so I better get to sleep.
and a goodnight to all!
I don't know how to fix it
boo.
I enjoyed last night very much.
It was sooo comforting and relaxing.
and we talked all night.
me gusta me gusta!
"me too."
"Want to go out?"
"yeah"
And then we cuddledish.
went back and forth telling each other little tid bits about ourselves.
I don't understand why he likes me. I just don't get it.
woot woot alfonso:)
tyra.
lily allen.
yeah.
uhh that's all, I'm was just happy about it
Not if he's a passanger.
and hell no if he's the driver.
I called you not dan for a ride from the hospital.
I asked if you could pick me up, don't complain that your tired and and then make your little bitch do it. Just tell me that you can't. if I wanted dan to give a ride while he's high, then I give him a call.
The moment I heard that dan was taking me, that's when the panic attack started.
I went out side to walk around, trying to breathe, trying to stop crying, trying to calm down.
breathe in. breathe out. deep.
count to ten.
I tried to call everyone.
I called amber.
I called stephanie.
I called Ray.
I called stephanie again.
My phone died:(
I walked back into the hospital to use their phone.
I walked passed the hopelink desk..
I'M SAVED!!!!!!!!!!!!
So.. in review. I don't like dan. I don't like being near dan. I don't like hearing about him.
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